As I get older I reflect more and more nostalgically on my youth. I've been so fortunate to be blessed with the family that I have, the people I have known, and the things God has given me. Moreover, I would still say that I have gotten everything I have ever wanted in life. This is truly remarkable. Some things I am still working towards - I keep them like carrots in front of me, to keep me motivated. Who doesn't want to be an exotic animal breeder or live in a shipping container?

With aging comes a great sadness for me in realizing that besides a couple people, no one really cares; we are in this 'alone'. At times it seems I am seeing everyone that I know get married, have children, and settle down. I get sad because I know it is the natural order of things to procreate, but I desperately desire to avoid doing this. I recognize my irrational dislike for people who have children is based on the fact that I so desperately want to have what they have (purpose, acceptance, normalcy, ignorance) but it is not what I want. I can truly see no purpose in furthering 13.75 billion years of evolution. What is the purpose in procreation? Are there some people who genuinely want to bring someone into the world to experience it?

Most are the product of fucking.

I see beauty in most every part of the world but have trouble seeing it in society. Due to an enlightenment experience, the overwhelming meaninglessness of such endeavors is hard to escape; since everything is one and perfect, what need is there to have more than that? On the other hand, I am still masturbating and depressed... The psychology of this will surely take me years to figure out.

I hope that if you are reading this, you never suffer from the depression that I experience. I see a world in pain, a world which is hurting and suffering, and a world which is so different from what I came to know in November 2012. I need to find a new pair of glasses.