I was not able to find an obituary online, but Buzz was and will always be my dear friend. It seems prudent to take some time to remember him.
I have never met anyone quite like him - he taught me a lot about life. Buzz knew a hell of a lot about life and was a damn good man. We both lived in the same apartment building in Loveland, Colorado. I talked to him outside his residence and told him I would come visit. I didn't (justified with "life gets busy" bullshit we all pull). When he saw me again he gave me a piece of his mind. I got mad, he got mad, and we ended up crying together over this shitty thing we call life. He was looking forward to meeting. I realized my shallowness.
Buzz and I got pretty close and we talked about all kinds of shit. He told me about his life and the hell he had been through (I don't know if I've ever met anyone who had been through as much as he had - which I will keep confidential for his sake - but he'd been through a hell of a lot). He gave me his pocket watch which I still have to this day, and would occasionally give me a piece of his mind. When I met this cute little girl, I blinded myself to her flaws and praised her unconditionally. Buzz told me what he thought of her. I viciously defended her. He turned out to be right. My heart was never the same after that relationship ended. Buzz told me about his time in prison with famed poet Jimmy Santiago Baca, his publication in "A Joint Conference", and his participation in the prison with a group learning Transactional Analysis techniques with Ram Dass, whom he developed a friendship with.
One night not long before I left Colorado, Buzz told me some things about life and my situation that I will not be able to forget. I was furious, but he was right in what he told me. It hurt to hear the truth. None of us want to hear the truth. Most of us spend our entire life running from it, from ourselves - trying to outpace fear or make some sense of it. Most bury their heads in the sand, carving out a little hole to quell the pain and fear of the unspeakable horror that pervades and pulses behind human pursuit. I don't know if I will ever be able to accept what he told me that night, but I will certainly use it to try and become a better, more mindful human being - as painful as it may be - and be a compassionate one, at that.
Buzz was a man of honor and of love - I witnessed this kindness and honesty and can attest to it. It was quite refreshing. Someday when the end is near, I will still remember the time we spent together as some of the best in my life.
Rest in Peace my wise and kind friend
-Pat
